Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
When are your genitals available?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I need water and some morals
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
