You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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