At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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