I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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