Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
