I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
