This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
