What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
