just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just google imaged poop.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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