I can feel you judging me through the phone.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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