You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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