Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
