those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
