Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
