I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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