which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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