He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
