You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
