I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
