just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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