I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
