just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
