it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
