i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
