If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Sorry my hands just texted you
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
