Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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