Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
