Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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