i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
