She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
