So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
