dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
