You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
