And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
