i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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