Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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