Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
