What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
