OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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