How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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