My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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