Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
