forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
