haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
