You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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