Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
