he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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