someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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