your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
