ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
