That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
